i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
