i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
True but thats because hes a fetus.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
