How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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