she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
