This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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