I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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