Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
