Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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