do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
