He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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