i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
