The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
