If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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