okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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