You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
