She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
