OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
