Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
