duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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