we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
