Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Randomize
