things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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