Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
