Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
