The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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