My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
