Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
