guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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