wrigley field is MILF paradise
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
