just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
