it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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