so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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