I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Boobs are out for the taking
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
