There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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