is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
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This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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