my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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