My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
