I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
