Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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