Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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