Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I woke up under a house in Key West
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