Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Randomize
