Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
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I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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