Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
