it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
