I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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