Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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