i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
