I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
