apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
