if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
