good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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