oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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