i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
