Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
