He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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