1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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