i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
