what day is it and did you see me today?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
