He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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