Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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