I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
