Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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