I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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