When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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