For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
