Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
