she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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