Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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