chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
