yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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