I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
