Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
